As I write this blog entry, I’m calming down from a mild to moderate panic attack. I’m still shaking and shivering. My face feels warm to the touch. My breathing is irratic but that’s starting to slow down. My heart is no longer racing. This time I didn’t cry but the thought of “never eating again” kept creeping into my mind.
If you’re one of the emetophobic readers of this blog, you’re probably shaking your head in agreement because you can relate to what I’m feeling. For those lucky readers who never have had phobias, I hope to open myself up a bit so you will understand how devastating this phobia can be.
What caused my panic attack? Would you believe a simple case of bloating caused by gas? Emetophobics are controled by fear. We are so scared of vomiting and the symptoms that lead to it, we can no longer differentiate certain stomach conditions with actual nausea. A simple rumble of gas in my intestines sometimes sets off my panic button especially if it’s accompanied by diarrhea.
Tonight it was that bloated, gassy, acidy feeling that did it. What makes even more irrational is that these feelings started after I drank a glass of pineapple juice – an acid rich fruit which always causes me to feel this way everytime I eat it or drink the juice from it. It’s not from a stomach virus or food poisoning, merely a high acid juice.
The bottom line is, I know what caused me to feel physically rotten and I know it won’t make me vomit – yet I still get panic attacks. That’s the nature of phobias.
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