Strange Behavior From Emetophobia – Dining out

Before I came down with Emetophobia I enjoyed going out to dinner.  Family gatherings and dinner outings were exciting and I looked forward to them.  I couldn’t wait to go to weddings, anniversary parties, and Bar/Bat Mitvah’s. 

Now a days, going out to eat is fearsome.  I can handle some take-out restaurants  as long as they are tidy, such as a café or coffee shop with less stress because they are quick and I can be in and out fast, but the finer restaurants where the service is slower and the panorama is romantic scares the crap out of me.  It’s not the dim lights or the romantic atmosphere I’m afraid of.  And it’s definitely not the prices on the menu.  It more complex than that.

To give you some insight on why I have several nervous hours before going out to dinner, read on.

Crowds.  Although I can deal with being around a reasonable amount of people, I don’t like small places with crowds.  I don’t like large places with crowds.  I don’t like crowds at all and try to avoid them but when need be, I tolerate it.  Oddly enough, the crowd thing only applies to certain circumstances and places.  I’ve taken many cruises with thousands of passengers and crew, yet that doesn’t bother me because public rooms and the general layout of the ship is spacious.  I also love busy New York City and go there at least once or twice a month but I’m not thrilled to be around hordes of people in restaurants or stores. 

Most emetophobes don’t like crowds because we’re scared of catching something from them.

Cleanliness.  Fancy restaurants are no more hygienic than inexpensive take-out restaurants even though they look nicer and may appear clean.  I’m vegetarian and my irrational mind believes I’m less likely to get food poisoning than someone eating seafood or meat.  This may not be true for all I know but it’s how I think.  My concern is also the personal cleanliness of the food preparer.   Did they wash their hands before touching the food or could they have done other disgusting things that I won’t mention?        

Getting sick in public.  This is my biggest fear when it comes to eating out.  Even if it’s just a stomach twang caused from intestinal gas, feeling like this in a restaurant freaks me out and brings on symptoms of  a panic attack.  Restaurants with sit-down service take longer to eat and leave.  The thought of getting a stomach ache or nausea  in the middle of dining, and having to sit there smelling food until everyone else finishes their meal and we leave, is horrifying.   On top of that, it’s embarrassing to tell those I’m with that I’m feeling ill and need to use the bathroom for a while.  It’s more embarrassing getting sick in their car on the way home.

Having to use public restrooms especially in restaurants.   Yuck!  (Need I say more?)

I cut down on dining out but I haven’t cut it out of my life.  I can’t.  Doing that would raise concerns from family and friends who don’t know I’m emetophobic and wouldn’t understand if they did. 

Dealing with this is not easy so I concocted a few tricks to get through a dinner outing without feeling sick or bloated and without raising suspicion among anyone I’m out with.  So here is what I do.

Order a light choice from the menu.  If there are appetizers with my meal I eat only about half of it so I’m not full when the main course comes.  When my meal comes, I portion off ¼ to 1/3 with my fork and eat only that portion, with a plan to take the rest home.  If I start to feel full or bloated before finishing the sectioned off pile, I’ll either push the rest over to the “take home” side or I’ll subtly hide the food in my napkin when no one is watching.  As strange as this sounds, I do this because I’m annoyed with comments about how little I’m eating.

Another trick is to eat very slowly.  Chew slow and take long pauses before the next mouthful.  Drinking water in between slows it down even more.  Eating slow may be better for my digestion but that’s not why I do this.  It’s a way to let my table mates think I’m eating more than I really am. 

As soon as I’m out of the restaurant and feeling fine, relief sweeps through me. 

Anorexia and Emetophobia

From my blog at www.fearsandphobias.blogspot.com

I’ve been accused of having an eating disorder and just laughed it off. As an emetophobic person, I’m scared to eat because I’m scared of vomiting -not because I’m scared of getting fat.

That’s why it came as a bit of a shock when l found out that I’m anorexic. I’m not overweight nor am I underweight. I haven’t vomited in 15 years {knock on wood} and will do anything to avoid it. I don’t use laxatives on a regular basis nor do I count calories. And when I look in the mirror, I don’t see myself as a fat person. 

So what makes me anorexic? The effect emetophobia is having on my appetite. I just learned today that anorexia and anorexia nervosa are two different disorders with a common denominator – loss of appetite.

Anorexia is a condition where one loses their appetite. It could be caused from depression, medication, health conditions, or like me, a fear of vomiting. Anorexics aren’t necessarily underweight. Just because I don’t eat as much as the average person, doesn’t mean I’m starving myself to death either. I have lost a few pounds but not enough to categorize myself as critically underweight.

Anorexia Nervosa is a condition where one loses their appetite for fear of getting fat. Someone with Anorexia Nervosa generally has a poor body image. For the sake of shortening the vocabulary, many refer to those with Anorexia Nervosa as “Anorexics.” One huge difference between someone with anorexia nervosa and myself is that they will purge food after eating and I’m horrified at the thought of doing something that awful.

The depth of my emetophobia varies from day to day. There are days when I feel very frantic and will eat practically nothing, but other days I will eat enough to sustain a healthy life. Even though I take vitamins and try to eat healthy, sometimes I feel sluggish and slightly disoriented.

Rarely, if ever do I consume the amount of food the average person does. But experts say the average person eats too much anyway.

While I may have Anorexia, I don’t have Anorexia Nervosa.